Love is a losing game: part one
by MoxieChick
Summary: Boone learns more about the Courier, and why she feels the need to help others. Rated T for language and violence.
1. Chapter 1

"You know this is a suicide mission right?" Boone looked over at Moxie as he finished pulling out his sniper rifle in preparation. They could see the distant outlines of fiends roaming the roofs of the buildings across the way.

"That why you keep following me?" She huffed; cleaning the scope of her anti material rifle, Boone still wished she hadn't bought it before he had gotten his say at the Gun Runner's kiosk. He ignored the uncalled for dig.

"He's already dead."

"And I told Private Morales I'd bring him back to her." Moxie loaded her gun with a little more force than necessary. "We survived that skirmish with the Legion at Bitter Springs and you think we can't handle a few fiends?"

"And traps."

"And nothing, start shootin." Moxie growled as she looked down her scope, relaxed her shoulders, and took the shot. Across the street one of the shadows roaming the roofs disappeared. Boone had to admit her sniper skills still surprised him. If she had the desire to enlist with the NCR she'd have made first recon in no time. He peered down his scope and let his mind go blank, just keep shooting until nothing is left moving. It didn't take long for them to clear the area of fiends, and a few minutes of letting Mox wander the area around Morales' body took care of any traps that were left.

The courier walked over to the body and threw it over her shoulder. Morales had been fairly tall; his carcass fell below Moxie's waist on both sides. Yet before Boone had time to offer help she started marching back to the NCR soldiers camped down the road. They showed the hero worship Boone had become used to hearing applied to his companion, she gave the standard "anyone would have done it" response and left the body with them to be taken back to the waiting widow.

"Not everyone would have done that…they didn't." Boone pointed out.

"They were ordered not to." So, it was back to this. Boone knew this was the reason Mox didn't enlist, she saw being a soldier under any army a hindrance, and in a way she was right. Being her own one woman army allowed her to help anyone and not have to worry about disobeying orders or breaking rules. Almost made him wish he had thought of that, maybe things would've turned out differently.

After letting a tearful and grateful Private Morales know her husband's body was on its way they made their way back to Freeside and through the worn door of the Wrangler. The Garret's greeted Moxie warmly, and quietly nodded at Boone, as the two made their way past the bar and up to their room. Moxie had wanted to pay for the room next door to hers for Boone, but the Garrets said they didn't have enough rooms to spare for permanent use. There were more rooms at their place at the Lucky 38, but Moxie said the Wrangler reminded her of home. They usually made due with Moxie in the bed and Boone and whoever else was with them at the time on the floor.

Moxie headed into the bathroom while Boone grabbed a book and sat in his chair. He never ran out of things to read, all of Moxie's places were filled with pre war books. She loved to read, Boone had discovered, anything she could get her hands on she poured through it as long as there was light. After a few minutes Boone heard the bathroom door open and glanced up to see his damp companion looking lost in thought. She snapped back as someone pounded on the door once then barged in.

"Hey guys!" Veronica smiled at both Moxie and Boone, though he never smiled back. "I got some food." The young scribe dumped a couple of wrapped Brahmin steaks and a few bottles of nuka cola on the table. "I took some over to the others at the 38, Cass was bitching again about being stuck there, told her she was welcome to leave."

"She knows she's welcome to use this place." Moxie pointed out distractedly, forgetting that the Van Graff's, who as Boone understood it wanted Cass dead, were right across the street. They gathered round the small table and quietly picked at their food.

"What's eatin' you?" Veronica finally asked Moxie.

"You ever been in love?" Their leader asked bluntly.

"You ever been nosey?" The scribe replied.

"Sorry…" Moxie's cheeks flushed.

"Why? You got your eye on someone?" teased the other woman after she recovered from the initial shock. Boone looked over Moxie and knew that wasn't her problem, she was just thinking, and nothing good if he were any judge.

"Nah, just curious." Moxie gave a half smiled and shrugged.

"Yeah, actually. At least I think it was love, we were both pretty young." Ventured the scribe after a moment.

"What happened?"

"She moved away…well, the brotherhood is dwindling, and since we don't let outsiders in….usually…" Veronica shrugged at Moxie. "They're pretty big on meeting someone and reproducing, obviously we weren't going to be able to pull off that miracle. That and her parents disapproved, they decided to move to California. I thought I could make her stay…I couldn't." She finished with a particularly strong stab at her steak.

"Sorry." Moxie sighed.

"It's all in the past. What about you?"

"Despite my obvious charm, no." Moxie quipped. "I'm beginning to think that lust is a safer bet."

"Is that what farm boy from Camp Golf was? Lust?" Veronica raised an eyebrow and smiled wickedly.

"Definitely." Moxie laughed. Boone raised his eyebrow at this; he had been left at the Lucky 38 to recover after a Legion mutt had gotten a hold of his leg while the two women before him had gone to Camp Golf to check out some odd reports coming from there. After they had returned Moxie had left again that night for a few hours in a dress, only to come back with her hair slightly out of place and the dress creased in the back. He figured she had gone out for some fun, that's what one did in Vegas, but a date?

"Not that he wasn't sweet, but a girl can only listen to how happy baby Jesus was over his units new togetherness for so long."

"Really?" Veronica giggled. "I'm sure he was thanking baby jesus for an entirely different reason later." Veronica broke into a full blown laughing fit as Moxie kicked her under the table.

"Watch it." Boone growled, at this point he had entirely lost his appetite and was starting to get a headache. The last thing he wanted to do was listen to stories about his companion's escapades.

"Okay, okay, sorry." Veronica held up her hands in mock surrender.

"We're going to go by the Lucky 38 and get Raul tomorrow." Moxie nodded her head towards Boone. "I need some things repaired and I heard there's some work that needs done by the Aerotech office park." The former solder nodded in reply.

They went back to eating in silence. Boone didn't really mind Veronica, in fact the young woman had helped improve Moxie's mood significantly. She laughed, for one, and she took more responsibility for herself and those following her. After Boone had joined up with Moxie in Novac she had been quiet and distant, acting more like an angry teenager than the leader she had become lately. She had asked a few general questions about him, taking the hint when she was journeying into dangerous territory and staying clear of the topic of his wife. After a few weeks of traveling together that had changed.


	2. Chapter 2

They had just taken out Cottonwood Cove, just the two of them sitting on a nearby mountain picking the Legionaries off one by one. Most had been sleeping so they simply waited for one to wake up and took them out as they stood. Moxie had gotten the kill on Aurelius of Phoenix.

"You know you would make first recon easily if you enlisted with the NCR."

"If I enlisted," The woman replied, but then paused. "Thanks."

Making their way down to the camp they finished off any Legionaries left. Moxie went to the slave pen and worked on the slave collars. She looked surprised when the woman there had hugged her with tears running down the freed slave's face, Boone then remembered that not many people had thanked Moxie for her help, not even him.

The two of them then made their way up the nearby hill to the crucifixes. Moxie always looked a little paler than normal when doing this part. She was able to save a few, including the Khan they'd been sent to find, but others were too far gone. Most asked for death and the woman and ex sniper could do nothing for them but oblige. He was at least grateful that she shared the burden of putting them out of their misery and didn't just make him do it.

Boone had first seen Moxie's desire to save those she could in Nelson. She had chosen to try and revive some NCR soldiers who'd been crucified rather than assume they were too far gone to be helped. Luckily all of them had made a full recovery. Boone had been trained to do a mercy kill rather than risk more lives in a rescue attempt, he had never liked that order.

"That's the last of them…" Moxie said as she came out of a legion shelter, fresh blood splattered on her combat armor. They started throwing legionary bodies into a pile and looted what they could off of them. Finally they made camp for the night, sharing a bottle of scotch.

"Boone, I'm sorry to ask, but I think it's time you told me the whole story about what happened with your wife."

Boone stiffened and growled. "That's not something you need to know Mox."

"The better we understand each other the better we'll work as a team." She said quietly. He hated when she used soldier logic on him, if he remembered correctly it was how she had talked him into going with her in the first place. Not that he had planned to stay in Novac, but he also hadn't planned on being some woman's bodyguard either.

"Alright." Boone sighed after a long pause. He told her everything, about meeting Carla, moving to Novac to start a quiet life, maybe raise a family, the fights between Carla and Manny, and finally, how he had tracked her and the legion down to their camp where they were selling her off as a slave. He told that part as quickly as possible.

Boone's throat felt soar trying to keep the lump in it down as he finished telling his pathetic little story. The former soldier looked at his companion and saw that she was lost in thought. He wasn't very fond of the silence and braced himself for her to tell him what he already knew, that he was a monster.

"It was better than becoming a legion slave." Moxie said finally, and then looked away for a moment as she gathered her voice.

"And it's not so bad, being shot in the head." She lifted up her bangs and fully revealed a scar above her right eye. Boone had noticed it before but never asked where it had come from. "It hurts for just a second and then, nothing." She whispered. Boone didn't know why but he found that thought comforting, maybe Carla hadn't felt too much pain before she died.


	3. Chapter 3

Westside wasn't Boone's favorite in the Wasteland; most people there would stab you as soon as look at you. Moxie had taken on another mission for an NCR captain at the Aerotech Office Park about some missing refugees. The part about missing kids worried him, sounded like fiend work, and the stories they were getting about the two main suspects from the local working girls didn't paint a pretty picture. Saint James had given Moxie lip when she first confronted him and according to his favorite trick he had a thing for teddy bears. They had Raul with them, Boone thought the Ghoul looked ridiculous in that Vaquero outfit, but Moxie got a kick out of it so he kept his mouth shut. Raul wasn't great in a fight but was damn good at repairing their equipment, and making snide comments.

"Can we hurry this up Boss?" The ghoul rubbed at his knees. "These old bones can't squat like they used to."

"Okay, I think I've figured out which rooms are theirs." Moxie said as she picked the lock on what she believed to be Saint James' room and frowned when they found a teddy bear sitting on his bed, Captain Parker had said one of the younger refugees had carried a teddy bear around with her constantly. When a quick search of the room yielded no more clues they forced open Dermot's door. A ledger on the table caught Moxie's attention and she began to flick through the pages. Her face clouded over and she slammed the book close.

"Get your guns ready boys." She snarled as she stormed out of the room. Pulling out her super sledge Moxie stormed over to the alley where their two suspects lounged. She threw the ledger on the ground in front of Dermot and held the teddy bear out towards Saint James. "Lookie what I found." Was all she said before swinging the sledge hammer into the side of Saint James' face. Boone felt shock run through him for a split second before opening fire on Dermot, who, after watching his friends face get smashed in had pulled out a submachine gun. After Raul and Boone finished off Dermot they pulled Moxie away from Saint James' mutilated body. She was drenched in blood and crying, something she hadn't done once since Boone had started traveling with her, despite all they'd seen.

"You okay Boss?" Raul grabbed the woman by the shoulders and shook her hard. Finally she pulled herself together and picked up the ledger and now blood stained bear.

They made their way silently back to the Aerotech park and collected their reward. Captain Parker didn't need to ask what had happened to Saint James and Dermot, one look at Moxie and he just nodded solemnly. Boone took Moxie's pack from her and fell back with Raul as they headed for home.

"Holy fuck, what the hell happened to you?" Cass gasped when they finally entered Moxie's suite at the Lucky 38. Lily, Arcade and Veronica joined them and fell into a shocked silence at the sight of their blood drenched leader. Moxie just stormed into her room and slammed the door. A second later sobbing could be heard.

"Does she need medical attention?" Arcade ventured as he turned towards Boone.

"No. Just some time alone." The ex soldier sighed. "We should head out for the night, give her some space." He knew she hated herself at the moment for crying in front of them, and felt that she'd appreciate it if the others weren't around for the shit storm about to hit the suite. Boone ushered Moxie's motley crew of companions into the elevator but couldn't get Rex to move from in front of the bedroom door, the cyber dog just sniffed the door and whimpered. "Alright boy, you stay here." He figured she wouldn't mind if Rex stayed. Joining the others on the elevator Boone started getting a nagging feeling in the back of his mind. "Go on ahead, I forgot something." He mumbled when Arcade noticed him still standing in the elevator after the others had gotten off. The scientist nodded reluctantly and headed for the casino doors. Boone turned to Victor and reluctantly engaged the robot.

"Is…is she alright?" He asked. The securitron turned towards him and the screen flickered once then turned to static.

"She seems to be rather upset by something. She has destroyed half of my suite and I fear she may do herself harm. I would prefer her to live so if you could perhaps calm her down, I would appreciate it." A strange voice said. Boone nodded and stepped back in the elevator as the doors closed.

"Mox?" Boone called when he reached the Presidential suite. In the short time he'd been gone the woman had managed to make the place look like a war zone, chairs were broken, glass was scattered about the floor, and Rex was in a corner whimpering. The door to her room was open, Moxie sat on the edge of the bed, looking down at a .44 in her hands. Boone slowly walked in and took the gun out of her hands before setting it in the gun locker.

"They were raping and selling kids Boone, kids." She whispered brokenly.

"Then they got what they deserved." He sat on the bed next to her and sighed. "We'll go after the fiends next. I hear someone at McCarren has got a bounty out on them."

Moxie nodded slowly. "I want the kill on Cook Cook personally." Her voice held an edge to it, more tears started running down her already damp cheeks. "Why me?"

Boone knew she wasn't talking to him. "We don't have to take anymore missions like this if you don't want." He suggested, thinking she was wondering why she had to do all the dirty work.

"No, I have to keep killing bastards like that." Moxie growled, and then her face fell again. "I mean why…why was I spared when others have to go through such horrors?"

"Is that why you help all those people, because you survived being shot in the head?" He had never thought there was any real reason behind Moxie helping others; she just seemed to like doing it.

"Yeah." Moxie nodded as she wiped her eyes. "When I woke up from that bullet to the head I knew I had to do two things, find and kill the man who shot me, and help anyone who asked for it."

"People get shot in the Mojave all the time Mox, you just got lucky. You don't owe anyone anything." Boone felt like they were having the Carla conversation all over again. He killed legionaries to pay for his crimes, and she helped others to pay back what she felt was divine intervention.

"I know, but I can't help but feel like I should help those who need it. Once you've died once already you sort of lose your fear of death." She gave a small laugh. "I'm not afraid to go into a legion camp guns blazing to free some slaves or take on some fiends for raping a soldier, but…" Moxie swallowed. "But I am scared Boone. The man who shot me is out there and I'm afraid to face him."

"We'll be there with you." Boone vowed, tentatively placing his hand on her shoulder and finding the human contact odd.

"I have to kill him myself." The woman said before turning to Boone. "But I may need your help cornering him." Boone nodded in response. "Thank you." Moxie took a long look at Boone. "Would you stay here for a while? You don't have to stay in the room, just, be nearby." She finally asked.

Boone looked for any signs of shyness so he could stop any misplaced feelings, he would always love Carla, no one else, but all he saw was a scared young woman who didn't want to be alone. He understood that feeling.

After Carla was gone he hadn't slept very well, he hated being in their room alone, everything smelled of Carla. Traveling with the courier he had started sleeping more regularly. Despite acting cold and distant towards the woman he found her problems and the problems of others that they came across a welcome distraction from his own. And Moxie didn't mind helping him with his mission to kill every legionary he could while he still drew breath. She would just nod and stand beside him as they took down as many of the bastards as they could.

Finally Boone nodded and watched as Moxie curled up on the bed, tears still lingering in her eyes. The former soldier knew he could never tell her that he was scared too. Despite the feeling that he should be dead for all he'd done he was afraid that whatever greater power was out there wouldn't let him see Carla again once it was all over. He didn't deserve it, but if he could just keep trying to make up for his mistakes then maybe he'd see her again, waiting for him in the black dress she'd been wearing the night they met. He could spend the rest of eternity making everything up to her.

Boone felt the feelings he'd kept down since Carla's death rush back to the surface. Taking off his beret and boots he lay down with his back to Moxie's. Lying there Boone realized how broken the girl he had first seen as naïve really was. He wasn't the only person in the world hurting, he knew that, but he had ignored and spurned the friendship of someone who had helped him without asking for anything in return. They spent the rest of the night just lying there in silence. Moxie quietly sobbed from time to time while Boone just stayed by her side, reassuring her that she wasn't alone.


End file.
